Massachusetts Bake Sale Terrorism By Craig Andresen
BREAKING!!!
Today, the FPI, (Food Police Idiots) the top law enforcement agency of the Nanny States of America, has issued an all points bulletin for a TERRORIST so vile, so despicable, as to be the cause of death and general mayhem to our nation’s children and children through the known world.
The bulletin reads…DEAD or ALIVE!!!
If YOU see this individual, call the FPI immediately.
DO NOT APPROACH!!!
THIS TERRORIST IS TO BE CONSIDERED DEADLY!!!
As we understand, via unnamed and anonymous sources, SEAL Team 6½ is now on HIGH ALERT and ready to spring into action without due credit to be given, upon the issue of a memo to be delivered to Admiral McRaven.
Appearing now, at the top of the FPI Most Wanted Terrorist List is…
Betty bin Crocker.
Bin Crocker is wanted for baking weapons of mass destruction, producing cookie aroma nerve agents, and distribution of IED’s (Incredibly Edible Delights).
Bin Crocker, once the subject of an all out hunt in the mountains and caves of Tora Bora is now thought to be hiding in a kitchen compound somewhere in Massachusettstan, but satellite images are, at this time, inconclusive.
Caught single handedly by Obama, bin Crocker’s top Lieutenant, the Pillsbury Dough Boy, has been asked, politely, the whereabouts of this heinous terrorist; but sadly, due to the ban on enhanced interrogation techniques such as kneading or slight belly pokes with an index finger, no credible intel has been garnered.
Other high level terrorists in the al Dente terror network…The Hamburgler, the Frito Bandito and a man know to international intelligence services as…Burger King (real name unknown) have been killed in drone strikes over the last 3½ years.
The Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man, Graham Cracker and henchman Hershey were, regrettably, burned to a gooey cinder in s’more drone strikes.
It seems evident that bin Crocker has been the root of evil at Massachusettstan school bake sales for some time. In an effort to stem the destruction, the Commonwealth is set to decree that no further such sales be held.
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